Through thick and thin?: What helps with dispute among best friends

It is true the words of the French writer Simone de Beauvoir once said: “The harmony between two people is never given. You must always be conquered anew.”

No wonder there is a crash also between best friends from time to time.

But what to do when fighting Two – how can you find the way back to harmony? Psychologists advise as with most interpersonal problems to Talk – however you must and should not be any dispute is immediately settled.

“You should have just calmed down. High emotionality, a person can’t think clearly,” says Hans-Onno Röttgers, senior psychologist of the University hospital Marburg.

He advises in Dispute urgently to go on distance for hours, or even weeks, depending on when the high-boiled emotions are cooled down again.

In advance should be communicated to the other party that you have just applied for a clarifying discussion and therefore would like to move.

“This is not possible, because the situation must be immediately resolved, you should get at least 20 Times a deep breath before the first word is said,” recommends the expert as a First aid measure.

Don’t forget that you can like the other

One Problem is that many people lose in the dispute completely out of sight, the other is a valuable person that you actually like and which is disposed to a self-in principle, well – “the you should make clear”.

Otherwise, the risk of a self-fulfilling prophecy is in the conversation – because the thought of the other wool is a something Evil, will automatically follow an attack or defense posture.

“You should also be aware that you do not have to be of one mind, to be friends”, so Röttgers.

The psychotherapist Johanna Thünker from Bottrop experienced in your practice, there are always slip-friendships – so relationships feel like friendships.

However, if one of the two slips in a crisis, is over. “Is a friendship real, you have good chances that a dispute can be resolved,” she says.

The psychologist Julia Scharnhorst from Wedel recommends the clarifying conversation, the conflict just to look at: What is it all about? What the occasion was, what my share is, how serious the conflict is and What can I do to solve it? These are the questions you should ask yourself and, if possible, also answer.

Prior to the interview, sometimes the perspective change

In the conversation in a meaningful manner is omitted on allegations that the Situation should be described from their own perspective. It should also be mentioned, which has feelings they triggered. This allows the other to change perspective.

However, it should not be to the loving desire for peace, the other agreed, although one is of a different opinion.

Makes little sense not to apologize for something, even though it’s not sorry. This appeased the other, and the dispute is off the table for now. “But the Problem is not solved”, makes Thünker clear.

You should be able to withstand that some conflicts can not be solved immediately.

Deutsche Presse-Agentur (dpa)

*The contribution of “Through thick and thin?: What is in dispute under the best friends” published by FitForFun. Contact with the executives here.