Fitness Influencer Chinae Alexander: 'There Is A Lot Of Fear Built Into Being A Female Runner'
WH is teaming up with Runner’s World, Hoka One One, and Garmin to create the Runner Alliance, an expert-backed campaign to make running safer for women. This article is part of that initiative.
It was 2017, and I had just moved to a new neighborhood. During the day, I felt completely at ease walking to and from my apartment, over to the coffee shop, to my friend’s place, down to the hardware store.
Sure, sometimes the sounds of my steps were woven together with the calls of “Hey, baby,” “Smile, sweetheart,” and the like. I thought, “That’s what headphones are for, right?” And, frankly, as a woman who lived in New York City for over a decade, I was used to it.
About a month into settling into my new area, I felt inspired to pound the pavement. I ran for what felt like 3 miles (it was really was more like 1 1/2), and the novelty of running through the unfamiliar streets had worn off by that point.
“I’ve never run so fast. My heartbeat and breath felt like they both might explode out of my chest.”
It was at that moment that I realized it was dusk, and it was getting darker rapidly. I wasn’t close to home, and the only way to get to the streets with lights and people was to run down some extremely dark ones…alone.
If you’ve ever lived in a big city, you know there’s nothing more unsettling than being alone in a public space.
I ripped my headphones off, hid my phone in the waistband of my pants, and was glad to be wearing a shirt instead of my typical sports bra. I’ve never run so fast. My heartbeat and breath felt like they both might explode out of my chest.
I wedged my keys in between my fingers like I’d always been told you should in case I needed to fend off an attacker. As I sprinted, I tried to recall any self-defense knowledge that I may have learned from TV or a pamphlet that one time. Was it a kick in the balls, then the eyes—or the reverse? I couldn’t remember.
“The juxtaposition of this man’s running experience and mine a few days prior was jarring.”
The beep that followed me pressing my key into the door to my apartment was pure symphony. My sweaty body crumpled onto my couch, and I cried. I cried because I felt stupid, I cried because nothing happened. And deep down, I cried because existing with that level of fear inside of me wasn’t fair.
The next week, I was ascending out of my subway station around 8:30 pm. As I took the last stair, a man whizzed by. He was shirtless and equipped with giant noise-cancelling headphones…seemingly running without a care in the world.
Normally I wouldn’t have even noticed him, but the juxtaposition of his experience and mine a few days prior was jarring. I couldn’t help but reflect on the differences between our two realities.
There is a lot of fear built into my experience as a woman. I hope one day I don’t have to pretend to talk to a silent phone while I walk just to seem less alone.
Chinae Alexander is a fitness influencer and founder of the Press Send podcast.
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