Dear Coleen – ‘My hubby’s family ruined our wedding day and I can’t get over it’
Dear Coleen
My husband’s family were vile in the run-up to our wedding 18 months ago. We had a lovely day, though it was not the one we originally wanted.
Every time I think of it I’m reminded of all the shouting and nasty comments made about me in the weeks leading up to it.
I have no relationship with his sister and see very little of his parents, and my husband doesn’t get included in their family plans very much.
It all started when we began planning our wedding and they questioned every decision we made, controlled the guest list and made calls to venues behind our backs.
My choice of dress was questioned, my colour scheme, my partner’s shoes, my flowers, welcome drinks and so on.
It all came to a head when a hen do was arranged for me and it was very expensive, so I asked for it to be scaled back. I was told I should just do it whether I wanted to or not.
Awful things were said to my partner about me and I was shouted at for not being grateful for the plans they had put in place.
In the end, my family had to intervene and at this point we considered cancelling the wedding.
I’ve never had an apology, and I can’t accept how we were both treated.
Am I being unreasonable or am I right to feel the way I do? I’ve considered counselling because the whole experience was so traumatising.
Coleen says
I’m sorry this marred such an important day and your in-laws didn’t respect that it was your day to celebrate however you pleased.
So often it becomes about the wedding and the people attending and paying for it, so the true meaning gets lost.
But let’s focus on the positives – you are married to the man you love and you had a great day. Hold on to that and the excitement of starting your life as a married couple.
It’s about you and him and, in reality, his family aren’t going to be a huge part of your lives.
Having said that, I understand your frustrations and resentment when it comes to his family. I feel like you need to get that stuff out.
Why don’t you write them a letter, explaining how it’s affected you. It’ll be therapeutic for you to get your feelings out.
Keep it civil and don’t come across as angry – be the bigger person.
I hope you get an acknowledgement and an apology but, even if you don’t, you’ve let them know how you feel.
And then get on with your life and enjoy being married – don’t let what happened affect the two of you.
You could do something else you’re in control of – a blessing or renew your vows on holiday, just the two of you.
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